Friday, November 16, 2012

having committee meetings in my head everyday

What I like about psychological tests is that despite all the generalisation, and how unique I feel I am, I still feel that it describes me. My team recently did an assessment on our emergenetics profile and mine says this:

She has two thinking preferences (Analytical and Structural) from the "left brain" and one (Social) from the "right brain". This gives her brain a slight bias for the logical and rational over the intuitive and inspired. She has two thinking preferences (Structural and Social) that are concrete and one (Analytical) that is abstract, giving her concern for details and practical matters a slight edge over theorising and speculating.

The gift of the tri-modal thinker is the ability to empathise with other ways of thinking. She can understand nearly anyone. She can be a catalyst or a facilitator in a group and help promote understanding among the team members.

The stress of having this profile comes from being "Jack of all trades by master of none." She is not always able to sort out her thoughts or feelings about an issue, all sides of the issue make sense. Most likely, making a decision is difficult and time-consuming. As one tri-modal explained, "My brain needs to weight all sides of the question. It's like the committee has to meet, and sometimes the committee fights with itself!"

It really describes how I feel everyday - having committee meetings in my head everyday. It's amazing how it happens, and nobody can really imagine how it feels unless one experience it first hand. It is very tiring to listen to internal debate everyday, and it increases proportionally with my work (read: issues that I have to resolve). I am always the last tower in tower defense terms and I always need to try to influence others to position myself as early as possible in the game and yet still be able to cover the back). Sometimes I see myself as playing 10 boards of chess concurrently everyday. When I was younger, I used to suspect I had a minor split personality disorder. After reading a bunch of literature, I conclude that I wasn't because split personality disorder people are not conscious of the different personalities. I even thought that maybe I was possessed by another being because it became very scary when I had the whole scene visualised in my brain before I actually see the sequence of events happening -  everything happens according to what I plan. As I grew older, I started to accept that it's just the way my brain works, and used this gift to help others understanding themselves better, and lead happier lives.