9 months at work - when you cant trust

It's quite unthinkable that I have survived 9 months in my job, and when I look at the amount of work I have, it was easily twice as much throughput as my previous job for the same time span. As the months go by, I am getting more and more challenging work, not that I am complaining, just that I don't want to end up stealing other people's work and being called the boss' pet.

Recently, I have been working on a single sign on project which had been preambling for half a year, and then one fine day, the AD (active directory) guy told me, "next month we will implement one-way-forest-trust". My immediate reaction was WHAT!!! only give me 1 month's notice? After making a huge fuss, the project was jammed, and then for another 3 months, the witch and wizard re-chanted their spells and kept getting ingredients from us. However, we didn't know what they were brewing until 2 weeks ago. One-way-forest-trust is the name of a type of AD setup that enables single sign on.

Everyone, well almost all the vendors, felt that they had been given wrong information. As for me, I had never trusted them because of the multiple versions of stories they had been telling us, so I didn't feel cheated. *evil me* While they were brewing their soup, I was asking google to impart knowledge of the whole alien topic of one-way-forest-trust to me. Servers, domains, network connectivity, connection protocols for AD, internal mechanisms of AD, etc... almost everything that I never had to know.

It was only 2 weeks ago that they scooped out the soup for us to drink and let us see the pot. We only had 4 weeks to figure out how to get the whole single sign on to work. Everyday we were trying to decipher the code because it was new to all of us. As I had a few systems to work on, I focused on my monster scampoint because that's the most important to everyone. For scampoint, I am very lucky to have a vendor who listens to everything I say. I tell him what I want him to code, he codes it in a few hours, I check, tell him the changes I want, after a few rounds and within a week, we were done.

After he completed what he had to do, we were just short of doing thorough testing, and I am quite sure that we are almost done for our scampoint, I decided to give him a 5 min motivational talk. ... You see, now that we have more or less tested our code and know it works, what risks do we face? We face the risk of an incompetant AD team who may bring us down. If they fail, all the apps will suffer, including us, because we are assuming that they are going to go a good job. If they fail, no matter how good a job we do, people see that we failed, they won't see that the AD team or the SSO project team failed. Do we really need to be at their mercy? We are definitely better than them, so to reduce the risk of us failing because of them, we will need to have a back up plan that can take over their work. And you must also not trust me, you must also think because I may be wrong. After that I told him to code more things for me and he was willing.

As I can only trust myself when I am faced with the ticking clock, I inadvertently create work for myself, like this one. I decided to make a call to the other vendor who was managing other scampoint apps, I didn't have to, and he will most probably fail if I didn't ask.

Me: "Are you assuming that we will be doing anything for you?"

Him: "We are assuming that scampoint will continue to sync users from AD."

Me: "Are you assuming that we are going to sync the users for you?"

Him: "This one we haven't thought about it because we are just using scampoint to build our app, we are not maintaining scampoint."

Me: "Ok, so now I am asking you, are you assuming that I am going to populate the users for you?"

Him: "We don't intend to change the sync mechanism, so we just need you to point to the new AD."

Me: "Do you know that it won't work?"

Him: "Why?"

Me: "Think again, then you tell me."

Him: "No change is needed."

Me: "Are you sure? You will need more than that."

Him: "Oh..." then he yadda yadda yadda, he got it.

Me: "I am not going to solve that problem for you."

Him: "It's not in our scope."

Me: "You didn't tell me that it's your assumption, so it's also not in my scope."

Him: "Then you need to bring it up to your boss."

Me: "It's your app that is affected, but nevermind I can bring it up as well. If it's anyone's fault, it's definitely not my fault for asking you whether you are assuming anything."

Him: "Yes, I know, it's our mistake, we didn't think of that." 

But I still helped him after scaring him over the phone... lol

transcending to paradise

Today was the final day of the funeral and monks were engaged from this organisation called Heart for Peace. The lead monk is Bhikkhu Buddha Dhatu, who led the prayers with his team of 9 - 3 men, 3 women, and 3 young boys. As there were a lot of preparations to be done for the prayers and many people moving about, that strange chill suddenly came back, and I knew that something was clinging onto me again. I engrossed myself deeply in the prayers by the 9 as I felt that the monk was emitting energies. He believes that he helps human beings go to paradise. Throughout the session, I saw his paradise. It was a space with a lotus and many bright spots of light around it. As it was the first time I saw this image, I was quite sure that it was from him.

Those shivers continued and a feeling of uneasiness swarmed over me. The prayers required us to walk around the coffin 3 times, and each time, I had the strong urge not to look at the body, so I briefly glimpsed, as a form of respect. It was as if I had wandered off for a few days, and then suddenly got called back, and I don't know why. The prayers were indeed effective because at the end of all the praying, I felt that I was back to normal, so I know that the grandma's soul must have transcended to paradise.

I was grateful to be part of the experience, and wonder whether the others felt the same. I felt extremely serene and at ease. After everything ended, I went to read the monk's book, because he said we can learn more by reading his book. After reading, I refreshed my memory of what I used to tell myself, that I need to do good deeds, for a better next life. Of course we may say that we are what we are now because we worked hard for it, but I believe in karma, and that a past life of good deeds results in a good present life. For example, if your past life was a nurse, and you served many patients, then the good karma accumulated results in a good present life, less hardship and burdens. However, if we take advantage of the good life and forget about serving the community, then our next life will not be as good. So then we wonder why we bother about our next life... It's just so that we have a peace of mind when we leave our bodies, that we have done many good deeds in the present life, and we are moving on to a better next life, with no regrets.

feeling the end of life

The last time I ever did something this bizarre was 12 years ago. I linked my subconscious with my grandma's. It was a conscious action of mine because I saw signs, and felt like a calling. 4 saturdays ago, I had the urge to visit her, so I did, with yaya. 3 saturdays ago, I had the same urge, so I was supposed to go, but my mudder last-minute told me not to go because grandma was coughing. The following monday, she was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. She was getting better, until 2 saturdays ago, everything took a bad turn. 4 June, she was in ICU, and also yaya's first day of school. After settling yaya in, I went to visit her. I passed some energy to her, and after a few minutes, I was drained, I have not been cultivating. After thinking about the past events, and also that day when I happened to be on leave to visit her, I felt that I was meant to be there.

So I headed to the waterloo st temple to regain the energy I gave away, and linked my subconscious with my grandma's, so that I could continue to channel energy. What I never knew was that by doing that, I was actually being affected by her thoughts. I had a very strong urge to live. I wanted to wake up. It was very confusing for me because I didn't know why I was feeling all the feelings I had. I didn't know that I was affected by her thoughts until I woke up this morning. Friday night, I went for my taiji class in the evening, and after that, had to go to the hospital, because everyone was summoned to see her. When I saw her, her fingertips were all blue, and I felt the strong urge to channel again. After 15 minutes, I was drained totally and my whole body turned cold. There was a strong will to live. After 30 minutes, someone came out and said that her fingertips were back to normal. Everyone's spirits were lifted. I headed back home for the night.

I went back to the waterloo st temple on saturday morning to regain my energy. I could still feel the will to live, but while channeling, I kept losing the image of her. I did not know that she had passed away by then, until much later. I received an sms in the late morning saying that she passed away before 2 am. It was freaky, because the same night, I woke up before 2 am and I couldn't sleep. After forcing myself back to sleep, 6 am I was awake again, I really wasn't myself.

We all gathered at the grandma's house at 3 pm to receive the body at 4 pm. I kept shivering the moment I stepped into her house. At certain parts of the house, I had goose bumps. It was freaky because I didn't know what was clinging on to me. There was a strong feeling of fear. Of course, it also didn't make sense to me why I was feeling the fear I was feeling. I kept shivering, not that I was feeling cold, I was sweating under the sun, but that shiver drove me crazy. At night I couldn't sleep. I had a strong fear to sleep.

The next morning I woke up, I felt like I had been enlightened. All the feelings I was feeling was that of my grandma's because I linked my subconscious to hers. When I went to her house again on today (sunday), there was no more clinging feeling. No more shivers, goosebumps, fear. When I looked at her body again, the aura around her head was no longer there. Her soul must have left her body. And everything that I had been feeling, made sense. It was freaky. I am just short of someone to tell me what was clinging on to me the whole day yesterday, and I don't dare to ask the lady spiritual healer my aunt brought along to help out in the wake, especially when my aunt said that the spiritual healer can see what we can't see.

The end of life was a mix of confusion, will to live, and fear.

user: my requirements are very simple

I consider myself a patient person, but today a user danced on my nerves with a conversation that made me feel not a single drop of guilt when I cut her 30-min telephone conversation out, "sorry, I will continue to talk with you another day because I have another user waiting for me".

It started with me having to get a quote from the vendor, so after I gave the quote $X, and my assessment, that I don't recommend the customisation to be done, she sent back this email "your quote was disappointing" and she "wasn't expecting something like this from [my dept]". My supervisor asked me what happened, and I ranted off, which took everyone by surprise, because I normally don't get agitated, at all.

The user started the telephone conversation saying that I have thought too complicated, don't understand her requirements, and repeated a million times, "my requirements are very simple". I let her talk, each time she yadda yadda yadda, I will say, yes, I know this requirement, so at the end of 30 minutes, I said, yes, I have all your requirements, my understanding is just as you have described. She wasn't satisfied, so she tried this argument.

Her: My requirement is very simple. I am not a technical person, so I think in simple terms. I just need blah blah blah...

Me: Yes, I know.

Her: XXX is more technical, so when he relayed my requirements to you, he could have written it in a more complicated way.

Me: Well, he just elaborated on your requirement.

Her: And you are more technical than XX, so when you pass the requirements to [the vendor], you would have made it even more complicated.

Me: I forwarded XXX's email to the vendor directly so that I don't misrepresent the requirements. I had also listed the 5 line items in this requirement which you said were your requirements.

Her: Yes, but it's a very simple requirement. I am not expecting a lot of customisation to be done.

Me: Yes, I know, but I need to manage your expectations that it's not a 1-2k customisation, it's more than that.

Her: It can't be that's expensive. The reason why we approach you for the quote was because we know that scampoint can meet this requirement, and the customisation required is minimal.

Me: If you are saying that I have over scoped your requirement, please let me know which to remove, 1. blah blah, 2 blah blah 3 blah blah....

Her: You see scampoint is such a good product, that's why we are using it, and we just want to be able to use it with minimal customisation that's why we gave you a simple customisation. You know how much we are paying now for our customised scampoint application? It's a lot, that's why we want to move to your scampoint for cost savings, so that we can ride on your maintenance contract, ....

Long story short, this bunch of users went to develop a customised scampoint app because the scampoint intranet cannot meet their needs. Now she is telling me that it's expensive to maintain that app, and it's better to migrate her app into my scampoint intranet, with "a simple customisation", which will save money. I have no issues killing that app of hers because I think that app is really a waste of money, but I just didn't like that she ask for a quote, and after we quote, she said was disappointing.

The conversation was going no where, so I ended it, and then she sent that email, and my supervisor asked me what happened, and I grumbled about what I had just grumbled about. lol

Maybe it's just the timing because I had another user who had an argument with a vendor in the morning over the content design of a page! so a last minute meeting was arranged in the afternoon to settle the issue and I had to be there to be the translator and problem solver. And I left this meeting at 6 pm because I had to rush to fetch yaya, takes me 45 min to arrive, and I need to be before 7 pm. They continued with the meeting. I only provided the solution at 5.45 pm! *close shave* Took me 1 hr 15 min to listen to them argue. After that I bumped into my hirer in the lift, I told her, I am stressed from 6 pm till the moment I leave office. She laughed.

And I had to meet another user in the afternoon to resolve a year-long enhancement discussion that has been stucked for a long time because the cost for the customisation was beyond the user's expectations.

Bad day. I was practically listening to arguments the whole day. And when I fetched yaya at 6.50 pm, she had been crying for 20 minutes after her teacher left at 6.30 pm. So I had to listen to yaya complain the whole night until she slept.