The last time I ever did something this bizarre was 12 years ago. I linked my subconscious with my grandma's. It was a conscious action of mine because I saw signs, and felt like a calling. 4 saturdays ago, I had the urge to visit her, so I did, with yaya. 3 saturdays ago, I had the same urge, so I was supposed to go, but my mudder last-minute told me not to go because grandma was coughing. The following monday, she was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. She was getting better, until 2 saturdays ago, everything took a bad turn. 4 June, she was in ICU, and also yaya's first day of school. After settling yaya in, I went to visit her. I passed some energy to her, and after a few minutes, I was drained, I have not been cultivating. After thinking about the past events, and also that day when I happened to be on leave to visit her, I felt that I was meant to be there.
So I headed to the waterloo st temple to regain the energy I gave away, and linked my subconscious with my grandma's, so that I could continue to channel energy. What I never knew was that by doing that, I was actually being affected by her thoughts. I had a very strong urge to live. I wanted to wake up. It was very confusing for me because I didn't know why I was feeling all the feelings I had. I didn't know that I was affected by her thoughts until I woke up this morning. Friday night, I went for my taiji class in the evening, and after that, had to go to the hospital, because everyone was summoned to see her. When I saw her, her fingertips were all blue, and I felt the strong urge to channel again. After 15 minutes, I was drained totally and my whole body turned cold. There was a strong will to live. After 30 minutes, someone came out and said that her fingertips were back to normal. Everyone's spirits were lifted. I headed back home for the night.
I went back to the waterloo st temple on saturday morning to regain my energy. I could still feel the will to live, but while channeling, I kept losing the image of her. I did not know that she had passed away by then, until much later. I received an sms in the late morning saying that she passed away before 2 am. It was freaky, because the same night, I woke up before 2 am and I couldn't sleep. After forcing myself back to sleep, 6 am I was awake again, I really wasn't myself.
We all gathered at the grandma's house at 3 pm to receive the body at 4 pm. I kept shivering the moment I stepped into her house. At certain parts of the house, I had goose bumps. It was freaky because I didn't know what was clinging on to me. There was a strong feeling of fear. Of course, it also didn't make sense to me why I was feeling the fear I was feeling. I kept shivering, not that I was feeling cold, I was sweating under the sun, but that shiver drove me crazy. At night I couldn't sleep. I had a strong fear to sleep.
The next morning I woke up, I felt like I had been enlightened. All the feelings I was feeling was that of my grandma's because I linked my subconscious to hers. When I went to her house again on today (sunday), there was no more clinging feeling. No more shivers, goosebumps, fear. When I looked at her body again, the aura around her head was no longer there. Her soul must have left her body. And everything that I had been feeling, made sense. It was freaky. I am just short of someone to tell me what was clinging on to me the whole day yesterday, and I don't dare to ask the lady spiritual healer my aunt brought along to help out in the wake, especially when my aunt said that the spiritual healer can see what we can't see.
The end of life was a mix of confusion, will to live, and fear.
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