my obsession with the buddha

I had never read Buddhist books in Chinese before. I tried to read those free-to-distribute chinese books, but not one held my attention. The books I had read before were all english translations and interpretations. From there I concluded that Buddhists do not believe in a god as creator, but was more a believer of existence and reincarnation of beings, each reincarnation cultivates the self to a higher order being. Buddha was hence a state of an enlightened mind. Nirvana was the heavenly realm where the scriptures call the after world, or literally translated from chinese, western world. That has been the faith I had since 1999.

When I read a scripture in Chinese, I was surprised that there was mention of a god whom we seek wisdom, but that god isn't Buddha. Buddha was usually interpreted as an enlighten state of mind. Some interpret that Buddha as an end destination. Some interpret the Buddha as path free of material needs. Whichever the interpretation, it can't be too for from the truth, as we can see the monks all over the world believing in the same faith.

This moment, my interpretation of Buddha is life without material needs. This life co-exists with what we know as reality. Some believe that if we remove our material needs from our reality world, then the reality and Buddha world is one. Whether we choose to remove our material needs from reality is a choice. Some believe in giving away their wealth to help the poor as a gesture of removing material needs. Some see material needs as greed.

The reality is that we live in a material world where everyone, even monks, need to eat, sleep, work for money. The monks work in the temple, teach Buddhist classes, and if their salary don't go to themselves, it's to the temple, to buy food for him to eat, to pay the utilities bills for his temple lodge, the chair he sits, the books he uses, the clothes he wears, so I feel that the whole chase for a life without material needs is purely symbolic than practical or purposeful.

Assuming a dualistic nature, and descartes 'i think, therefore i am', we will be able to come to terms with a material reality coexisting with a life without materials and at the same time experience the life without materials as reality. The concept of life without materials could be seen as reality as you feel it, moments where you are free from material needs such as your bed time, prayer or meditation time, a time where you feel in tune with the universe. It could also be seen as the spiritual realm/dimension that exists with the physical reality realm which we all convince ourselves to be living in.

Assuming a non-dualistic nature, then only one realm can be the reality, and the only way to achieve a life without material needs is to have a life without material needs.

I believe in duality. I live a life in the physical reality, and enrich my physical life with the insights gained from the spiritual realm. I can't remember what the actual words were in the book, but it was something along the line that says, the buddha is outside of you, but at work, it's with you.

And I am not a buddhist, I have multi faiths.